As someone who is lucky enough to work in an industry heavily populated with PR girls, I have recently come to the conclusion that they are, in fact, the most perfect creatures that God has blessed us with. Between their endless energy, powerful networking, and untouchable leather iPad cover game, they are poised to take over the world. Here, 13 reasons why:
1. They never stop working. You will receive an email from them at 6:30 AM, presumably sent from the gym. You will receive an email from them at 11:45 PM, likely sent from their table at a fusion restaurant. Both emails will be perfectly-written, and full of whatever pertinent information you didn’t even realize you needed. PR girls never sleep, only close their eyes for a few minutes at a time and then get back to work.
2. They look good while doing it. One way to spot a PR girl is to check for the three S’s — statement necklace, strong purse, shiny hair. They pull off the chunky J.Crew-style necklaces like no one else in this world. They are always carrying the purse you have been coveting, or something just like it (often, it’s this one). And their hair reflects every nuance of the sun’s light in its Garnier Fructis commercial shine. Always.
3. They’ll network you without you even realizing it. You think you are having a normal conversation, but they are evaluating and planting ideas and harvesting information. And it’s not insincere — they are just operating on a totally different wavelength from you.
4. When they get a goal in mind, nothing can stop them. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of a dedicated PR girl’s efforts to make something happen — anyone who has suffered that barrage of perfectly-worded emails — knows that nothing can stop them. They will walk across hot coals to get their press release in the right hands, and somehow not mess up their pedicure.
5. They rise with the sun and engage in power breakfasts. I once attended a breakfast panel at a hotel where I was unexpectedly seated at a table with almost all PR girls. Aside from feeling like being in high school and somehow getting to sit with the popular, pretty girls at lunch, it was unbelievable to see their level of readiness. They were there twenty minutes before everyone, awake and alive, blowout on point, with questions to ask and people to talk to. I have never experienced anything more intimidating. While I was busy shoveling free carbonara breakfast pizza (!!) and french toast onto my plate, they were not touching their frittatas because there was work to be done. And I have nothing but respect.
6. They have already fused with technology. While we’re trying to experiment with Google Glass or Oculus Rift or whatever, PR girls have already been synthesized with their devices since the debut of the Palm Pilot. Their iPad is an extension of their soul, and it will never leave their side.
7. They know everyone. Name any person in your industry. They know them, and have had at least one “very productive” phone call with them. Yep.
8. They are always in peak physical condition. They have a yoga class, and a Soul Cycle class, and an entire drawer full of Lululemon. They eat salads and drink juices and take supplements. They must be in prime email-sending mode at all time, and that demands physical fitness.
9. When it comes time to go out, they go just as hard. Perhaps the only spectacle more intimidating than a group of PR girls at an important industry function is the same group, three hours later, at a club. They embody the “work hard, play hard” ideal, and pursue “drinking lychee martinis and grinding to Beyonce” with the same vigor they pursue “following up on important emails.” Never get in their way on the dance floor.
10. They know their environment like no one else. There is no better person to ask for a restaurant or bar recommendation, because they know their cities like the back of their manicured hands. They have the good shopping streets, the best happy hours, and the latest restaurants all stored in their mental rolodex of socializing.
11. They form power couples. When they choose to date, their boyfriends often work in finance or at least, on some more vague level, “business,” and the two of them form the kind of couple that makes you feel like you’ll always be an overgrown child spilling juice on yourself.
12. They travel in packs. They form migrating goose-like formations as they walk importantly down city streets. You cannot break them up, and you cannot come between them — in any sense.
13. They are always judging. Even if they’re much too diplomatic to actually say anything, they always have an opinion. They are always observing, making judgments, and deciding their next move. They can be the coolest girls in the world to hang out with, but you will always want to be just a little more on your game in their presence, because they will be judging. With love, of course.